Every person is unique. We are told in Genesis that we are made in the image and likeness of God. So, each one of us individually and in our own individual way reflects God. Down to every last annoying habit…

My husband and I chose each other. We fell in love and made a conscious decision to marry. We also made a deliberate choice to have children. We knew what we were doing and we knew that life would change. We also anticipated seeing in our children a unique expression of our love, and of being able to see the “other” in each child. For example, I would be able to see unique glimpses of my dear husband in each child we had.

Well, two things about this.

One, it is true. I do see different glimpses of my husband in each child. And woe to the child who is exhibiting his father’s traits on a day I am not happy with my spouse!

Two, while these glimpses of my husband and me surface from time to time, that is about it – they appear only momentarily. In reality, they are absorbed into the unique individual character of each child.

There are lots of movies out there, especially old ones, about mad scientists. I am sure you have seen one, or read a story with one, so you will understand my reference that is coming. You know how a mad scientist in one of these stories has a plan, has researched and thinks he understands how all the chemicals will work together, and knows what the end result will be? Then he sets about his project, mixing various boiling, smoking liquids. A big explosion or bang….then the experiment is complete! He has his creation, just as he planned….or almost. We usually find that the scientist did not account for something, like not realizing that the formula for becoming invisible would drive him mad or that the creature he created would be able to think for itself, in a manner different from the scientist.

Having children is like this. We planned, we researched, and we thought we were prepared. Then, bang! Our creations (and I use the word “our” in the lightest sense of the word) have minds of their own. The genes of my husband and I have combined to create things we could not have imagined.

I was reflecting on this at church one Sunday (and I know I should not have been letting my mind wander. I should have been paying attention to the homily. I was…it was about making time for prayer. So there!) The church was cold. It was summer, the AC was running on high, and the 7am crowd is smaller and produces a lot less body heat. Anyway, my son was cold, so cold he had goose bumps on his arms. So, during the homily, I hugged him to me to help warm him up. My arms were covering his arms and hands, kind of holding them down, although I did not realize it.

Father was preaching, and as he often does, he asks questions in his homily… questions that are supposed to be reflective…meaning no one needs to actually answer them. When he asked the first question, I tensed, then realized all was safe, as I was hugging my son so closely, he did not have the ability to raise his hands, and I could feel him take a deep breath if he tried to blurt out an answer.

You see, my husband and I are both shy people. We are watchers, listeners, and observers. Yet, somehow we gave birth to a child that is the first one to volunteer in any situation, the first to have his hand up, and will often blurt out answers to any question when given the least amount of encouragement. And he does not mind sharing personal family information in a public setting. He also has a rather…shall we say, dramatic way of expressing himself.

To be honest, this child of ours has embarrassed us on several occasions this way. We are embarrassed because this is not our personality. It is very foreign to us; we do not sympathize with it. We have little control over it, little control over when or how he does it, and little control over what he says. Sometimes it gets away from us and overwhelms us.

However, if we could, would be change this trait in our child? Truthfully, no. It makes him who he is. We look on his abilities with awe. It is something we do not posses – his utter confidence, his love of the spotlight, his lack of inhibition.

Our job is to train him to use what God has given him, whether we understand it or not. We also have to keep the vision. This personality trait that seems so unstable and unpredictable (and let’s face it, sometimes uncomfortable), can carry him far in life. What is awkward at six or seven can be his biggest strength at 16 or 25 or 40.

Our children are sometimes given gifts and crosses we do not understand. We often can not change these things; we almost always never planned them or expected them. Our job is to help them develop these things, or to learn how to make use of them in their life. These gifts are part of who they are. They are ways our children distinctively image their true Creator, the Author of all life, God.

What is true of our children is also true for us. We all struggle with who we are. We all have issues with some of our own character traits. However, we are each assembled in a unique way to reflect the likeness of God. Each one of our personality traits, good or bad, can help lead us closer to Him and to whom we are meant to be in Him. The good traits can be honed to be a blessing in our life and in the lives of those around us. Our more negative traits are usually the ones that can truly bring us glory. For, in struggling through them, fighting against them, working to bring them into submission, we ourselves are molded and made strong.

We cannot predict what we will end up with when we have children. Each and every person is an individual, made up like no one else exactly. This is the wonder and glory of being human. This is the marvel and pain of parenthood. This is life.

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