I am standing naked in front of my children.

No, I am fully clothed. The children have no idea I am so exposed. They are used to it. It is like this all the time.

I have spent my life building who I am. Part of that includes creating a public persona, a perception, of who I would like to be seen as. Part of that was not my own doing. I was quiet and good in school, so people liked to assume I was smart. I am now involved in a lot of different activities, so people think that I am a fairly together, capable mother. A sort of Uber-Mom, if you will. Faith is important in my life, so people assume I am a deeply spiritual person.

I protest these assumptions, naturally, but not that strongly. We all do it. We all have the self we are in the public world. That person who is us, but not quite us. We spend years carefully crafting this person, hiding the flaws we do not want seen, emphasizing those strong points that will carry us further in life. Nervously hoping that no one gets a glimpse of our true self. And if they happen to, trying to distract them for long enough that they forget what they saw.

No one told me that my children would have powers of super-vision. That my public self would crumble into dust around their small feet. And that they would then happily make mud-pies from the dust when it settles.

Our spouse and close family members have some part of this power the children possess. We can not hide our true selves completely from them. But they too have their own public self to uphold, so we get away with a little.

Children, however, are trying to hide nothing -- young children, especially. When they are angry, they let you know. When they are sad, they cry. When they are happy, they sing and skip and laugh. When they enjoy ice cream, it is smeared across their faces and dripped down their shirts. They just laugh and wipe their face with the back of their hand, so it smears further. Their enjoyment is present for the world to see.

So, as I said, I stand naked in front of my children. They have seen it all, the good, bad, and the ugly. If I could, I would project this image to them of a warm, loving mother who makes fresh-baked cookies, who always understands the problem, who then cares about the problem, and who always knows how to solve the problem. They would know me as a mom who always has some creative game or activity up her sleeve. Who knows how to answer every question, and who never minds being interrupted.

Ah, but they know better. They have seen a mom who was too tired to play a board game. A mom who sometimes has to be alone, just to stay sane. A mom who loses her temper and who cries. A mom who can be confused and unsure. A mom who yells at her son for losing his shoes, then turns around and says, “I can’t find my car keys”. A mom who once had nothing to give them for lunch except for crackers and candy. They know all my secrets.

Yet, the most amazing thing about all this is, they love me. They accept all these parts of me. Maybe they wish I was always like the nice, smiling woman I become in public, but they know there are many sides to me.

I see them, too, in ways they can not even see themselves, yet. I see character traits they posses that I know they will struggle with for the rest of their lives. (I know because they get a lot of those things from me!) I see talents they have that are not fully developed, but if they ever are, watch out world! I see beauty in the way they love and live. I worry about their weaknesses.

Yet, I love them. Every bit of them. I would not change a thing about them, because in changing those things, I would change them into someone who was not them. I know part of my job as a parent is to help shape and mold these things in them, carefully pruning and growing. While I do this, they do the same for me. For in front of them, I can not pretend to be someone else. I must face the truth of who I am, and who I need to be.

Our relationship with our children mirrors our relationship with God. For in front of God, any image we have made for our self becomes transparent. He sees and knows us for who we are. Our true selves can not be hidden from Him.

Yet, He loves us. He loves us for who we are, every little bit and piece, every positive and negative. For those things make us unique. He can see every personality flaw we struggle with. He tries to help us prune these things, but we often shy away from the sharp point of the shears. God sees every strength we posses and He wants to help us grow them. He knows, for He is the one who has given us our own unique struggles, challenges, and glories. Even if we do not like who we are, God does. He would not change a thing about us. He would only lead us to more growth, to come closer to the fullness of the glory He has planned for us.

So, I try not to mind my nakedness in front of my children, even though it is not physical, but simply spiritual. I know it is part of my vocation to parenthood, and it can help me come closer to being my best, true self.

But I wish someone would throw me a blanket, because I am getting cold!

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