I have a love/hate thing with the woman of Proverbs 31. I love her - She is completely amazing. I wish I were like her.

I fall so hopelessly short of who she is. I am afraid I will never be like that. Her incredible industry amazes me – to be honest, I sometimes hate her.

She is the original “Super Mom”. She never sleeps – verse 15 states that “she rises while it is still night” and verse 18 adds that “at night her lamp is undimmed”. (Personally, with homeschooling three children and trying to balance all the myriad facets of my life, I dream of the time I get to fall into bed at the end of the day.)

This woman spins her own cloth, makes clothes for herself and her family, and produces extra to sell at market. (My family is lucky if they have clean underwear in their drawers.)

She cooks delicious home made meals, earns extra income which she wisely invests for the financial good of her family, and volunteers to help the poor and needy. (The microwave is my favorite kitchen appliance; I borrow money from my children to pay my library fines. Although I do try to help the poor and needy).

Her husband trusts her, her children sing her praises. She “eats not her food in idleness”. (I hide M&M’s from my children).

Sometimes when I read this passage from the Bible, I despair. I never feel this together. When I try to do so many things, I start to mumble to myself all the time, like some poor cracked woman. My children get to the point where they ask, “Are you talking to us, Mommy, or are you talking by yourself again?”

The language of this chapter of the Bible is ancient, as one would expect. It helps me to understand who this woman would be today if she lived now (and she does. You know people just like her, as do I. They are so amazing, you feel like you have never even tried to really live).

So, here is my modern adaptation of Proverbs 31 :

The Good Woman:

A Good Woman is hard to find. Her worth is more than costly jewels or real estate. The Good Woman:

• Always commands the respect of her husband. He listens when she says she has a bad feeling about something (like buying the used car that seems to be in good shape, but has an odd feel. He does not quibble when she can not point out to him a broken gasket or faulty engine).
• Never gloats when she is right (like when her husband calls to report that the used car that is now been in your family for two weeks needs $1,800 worth of work).
• Gets all the laundry done on one day every week (and never shrinks a sweater that is hand wash only or puts a red sock in with her husband’s white undies and socks).
• Gardens beautifully, both pretty flowers and practical vegetables.
• Serves homecooked meals at least 5 nights a week using the garden-fresh vegetables, leaving one night for leftovers and one for a surprise.
• Has children that are happy to eat the practical, home-grown veggies and homecooked meals, and in fact would rather eat them than chicken nuggets and French fries.
• Sews cleverly, making all kinds of things for the house as well as cute clothing.
• Keeps television watching to a bare minimum, and then only educational viewing allowed. (She would never turn on a cartoon for the kids and then sit and watch it when she should be cleaning, laughing at it more than the kids do).
• Keeps her home reasonably clean (for example, mold would not dare grow in her shower. Her four-year-old would never pause on the way up the stairs to comment, “I tink you need to clean da stairws, Mom. Dey are really dirwty.”.)
• Has a successful side-business, let’s say on ebay, that brings a respectable income with minimum time taken from the family. Half her income is invested for the family, the other half takes them on a fabulous vacation every year. (Her income is never needed to pay the plumber when water starts pouring from the upstairs bathroom to the downstairs living room).
• Loves pets and is happy to care for them (and would never accidentally feed the guinea pig grass from the front yard freshly sprayed for bugs with chemicals, thereby giving the guinea pig a quick, painless death).
• Never lies (for example, telling kids that guinea pig must have been ill, not that she is a thoughtless animal-killer).
• Always looks neat and put together, even after a day at home with the kids (her husband would never come home to find her in a shirt sized 2xx, jean shorts, hair up, and no make-up).
• Always keeps her temper and maintains a cheerful disposition (her children do not ever have to tell her, “Poor Mommy. Why don’t you go lie down for a little while?”).

She is a model, an idea of the bigger picture of a woman’s multi-tasking life. No matter how much we do not finish in a day, we are usually doing many things in a 24 hour period. We need to claim her for an older sister, someone we are going to try to imitate, even if we can never be her.

Oh…and, if you are like the Good Woman already, don’t worry. We will not hold it against you!

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